I just want to spend all my time with my dad right now. I wouldn’t be able to make it through all this without him. I love my dad so much and I feel so guilty for making him worry about me so much.

I was so happy for the past 2 years. Now I can’t even remember what it felt like to be happy. I just hope something changes and you feel differently… I wish you could remember why you fell in love with me in the first place…

Nothing’s ever hurt me more than watching you leave again tonight…

Nights have been really hard lately. Harder than anything else by far. I’ve been spending a lot of time with my family… watching movies and just hanging out with my brother, just trying to put off going to bed for as long as I can. My stomach gets tangled into knots just at the idea of coming back to OUR room and getting in OUR bed alone, and trying to fall asleep alone. I do just about anything I can to put off sleep so that maybe when I finally lay down, I’ll pass out from pure exhaustion before I have time to think about how miserable I feel.

I didn’t know I could hurt this much…

I’ve never felt more alone and hopeless in my life… I never thought this was going to end. I thought we were so happy. I wish you had been as happy as I was. I don’t know how to live without you.. this just hurts too much to bear…

God, you don’t know what I would give for you to just come back to me. When I’m broken to bits and can’t breathe for crying, all I want in the world is for you to hold me and tell me it’s okay. I don’t know what to do when you’re gone… I can’t handle this.

I’ve already had this nightmare more times than I can handle. I just wish I could wake up from it this time… I hate you for doing this to me…

I’m not even sure if my heart is beating anymore…

(via chelllsbellls)